So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
worst night to have a conscience
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
