how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
