oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
