need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
