OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
