Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
