she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
