my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
