First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
