hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
