He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
