she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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