I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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