if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
