I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I would ride that face into the sunset
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
