Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
