She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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