i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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