walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
