I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
