if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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