the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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