Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
