At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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