She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
