you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
