Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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