Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
