Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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