his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
