Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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