Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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