The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
