i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
