I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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