I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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