i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
