I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
