ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
