he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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