Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
