I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
