So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
