He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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