I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this just has baby written all over it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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