She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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