You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
