I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
