Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
