just come out here and I will go home with you...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
