Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
