What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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