he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ketchup is God's man juice
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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