What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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