the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
