Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
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