i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
