she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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