Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
