To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
