I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
