The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
