Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
