I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
