Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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