1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
