Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
