We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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