There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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