im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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