i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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