I puked a lego.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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